MY STATE OF MU

Sunday, March 12, 2023

"In our consciousness, there are many negative seeds and also many positive seeds. The practice is to avoid watering the negative seeds, and to identify and water the positive seeds every day."

- Thich Nhat Hanh -

I'm happy to report that I'm sleeping better these days. Thank goodness!

Seriously... a good night's sleep is gold. I've been Ms. Grumpy Pants since surgery #2. I know the lack of sleep had a lot to do with it, well more so my anxiety and my thoughts around uncertainty causing my lack of sleep. Holding onto the resentment of needing another surgery and then worrying about the outcome is a slippery slope. Not supportive of my healing at all. I knew it and yet I continued to sink deeper into the sh!t.

I had a choice. Happiness is a choice. Not allowing myself to get wrapped up in the possibility of sh!tty news is a choice. I hold the power to CHANGE IT!

I can change my focus, reframe the narrative, re-adjust my perspective and return myself to the neutral state of "mu." This is constantly my goal. This is my daily practice.

I really wanted my good sleep back. I needed it back. Desperately!

I dug deep and journaled a lot, meditated a lot, listened to guided meditations, watched empowering feel-good videos and focused on bringing all the joy into my life - not only finding things that made me happy (like deep inside my core and tingly deep-cell happy) but also finding the joy in all the littlest of things. The teeny tiniest things. The most simple and mundane things. I needed to reinforce my wall of resilience.

So I identified and watered the positive seeds by doing things that pumped up the happiness factor:

- Drinking freshly squeezed orange juice. 🍊

- Enjoying all the meals, slowly and intentionally. Savouring every bite. 🍽

- On a whim, David and I driving to London to take in the Brier. 🥌

- Spending more time outside, no matter what the weather. 🌦

- Admiring the beautiful gifted tulips

- Watching my nephew play in the hockey playoffs and cheering my heart out. 🏒🥅

- Hugging a friend who I unexpectedly ran into at the rink! 🤗

- Picking up a bunch of new cookbooks from the library 📚

- Identifying all the new recipes I want to try 😋

- Doing lots of self-care ❤️

As I countdown to my pathology report on Tuesday, I'm working on reaching the "nothingness" state of mu - nothing positive or negative, nothing good or bad, it just is... I'm striving to approach the appointment with an open mind and a sense of calm because I know one thing to be true, whatever lies ahead, whatever I need to do, I CAN DO IT!

Here's to another night of great sleep!