THE PINK ROAD

Friday, January 6, 2023

A few days ago, a Breast Cancer Survivor friend called this journey "The Pink Road." Hey, I LOVE road trips but honestly, this is a road trip I would rather not be taking. Who would? Well, I'm here now so I might as well get comfy in the driver's seat. I've got my hands on the steering wheel, the tunes are cranked (currently: Lizzo) as I navigate this trip.

It can feel so overwhelming! Trying to navigate this Pink Road is scary, crazy emotional - wondering what's around the next corner and managing all the bumps in the road. Whew. It's a lot. Like REALLY REALLY a lot.

Yesterday, I attended my first of many online programs offered by Wellspring. I now belong to a Breast Cancer support group of 6 women who are travelling this Pink Road too. I am so thankful for what is available to me and other Cancer Warriors - so many different organizations offering a variety of programs and support. At first, my head-strong, hyper-independent, don't-need-no-help self poo-pooed the idea of exploring what was available. Is anyone else noticing a theme here? (HINT: Something about not needing to accept support or help.)

Well, a few weeks ago I hit the wall, figuratively. But I will say there was so much anger and rage in me that I did consider hitting the wall, literally. I was a mess. The only person who witnessed my state was David. I was breaking down... cancer had made things complicated: life, my business, plans, relationships, logistics, sense of self...E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G! As much as I tried to remain positive and my usual Rosie-upbeat-me, cracks were showing up. And the cracks started to get bigger and bigger until I felt completely broken. Mentally, I was not coping. I was exhausted. I hadn't slept well for weeks and I was starting to feel out of control. This was not me. I knew I needed help. NOW!

I reached out to my Clinic Nurse who connected me to a Counsellor. Help was available. I had no other choice but to accept. For the past few weeks, Victoria and I have had our weekly meetings, working through the sh!t, the f@cky-muck and the uncomfortable. I am learning more about myself. I am uncovering more and more with each session. I'm doing the work and showing up anyway at the exact time when I would rather crawl under a cozy blanket, hide in my pillow fort and shut out the world.

Ahhh cancer, you're so much more than a health diagnosis. You're a relentless teacher, dragon-prodder and abundant gift-giver. CANCER you're twisted AF!

5 more sleeps...