BACK ON THE PINK ROAD

“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”

- Margaret Thatcher -

DECEMBER 17, 2023

I just re-read my last post. I really REALLY thought I was done. F@&K. I was ready to finish off 2023 in a positive state of being with my energy back to pre-journey levels, grateful, joyful and with David planning a celebratory trip for us to commemorate the end of my breast cancer.

EEEERRKK NOT SO FAST!

NOVEMBER 21, 2023

Went in for my follow-up mammogram - 6 months after my "end-of-treatment" and a year after THE mammogram that showed that I had DCIS, early-stage breast cancer. I didn't have any worries and when the tech reviewed the images and said I could go, I felt a sense of relief and practically skipped out of the hospital. I had one more follow-up with my oncology surgeon and then that would be it for all my 6 month check-ups.

I had already met with my radiologist oncologist who said I had healed nicely and because I complained about tightness and pain, she referred me to the Survivorship Department at PMH. Survivorship - cause I SURVIVED CANCER! 💕 And with that, she dismissed me from her department as I was done with radiation. WOOHOO! And I had also already met with my medical oncologist who said I was looking great. We did a quick review, had no concerns and then was told I would see him again in 6 months for continued follow-up.

I was wrapping up my Cancer Journey.

SLAM ON THE FRIGGN' BRAKES!!!

November 23, 2023

Received a call from the Mount Sinai Breast Imaging Department. The doctors who reviewed my mammogram wanted magnified images, an ultrasound and a biopsy. BIOPSY ????

I knew what that meant. F@&K. They found something significant and wanted to remove some tissue to see if it was cancerous. CANCER!!!! F@&K. I felt as if someone had just punched me in the stomach and then knocked me down to the ground.

THIS CAN'T BE!!! I had a lumpectomy, and re-excision surgery followed by 15 rounds of radiation. WTF?!

November 30, 2023

Surgical Oncology Clinic appointment. I met with my surgeon's fellow and his words: "they found something worrisome on the mammogram" were like a bullet through my heart, yet I was able to remain fully present in the moment, receiving the news fully and not crumbling to the floor in a puddle of distress. (Sidebar: over the last few months I have been studying "The Presence Process" by Michael Brown with my Mastermind group of 9 other women and I am attributing much of that study to the way I was able to handle the appointment.)

OK, let's be perfectly clear... I had all the emotions F@&K and I was pissed! But I was able to sit in the emotions without letting it overtake me. As the tears rolled down my face, the fellow asked if I was ok. In fact, I was ok, and I said, "I am just processing the emotional heaviness of what is happening. I want to talk about what's next." And with that, the fellow was very compassionate and took the time to answer all my questions and we talked about what was likely to happen, options, etc. etc. It was a lot to take in.

What's in my future: mastectomy and breast reconstruction.

A year ago, I had already gone through the "processing" if my journey was to include a mastectomy and chemotherapy. All of it. So now that I was being presented with a mastectomy, it wasn't a complete shock. The shock was more around still being on this breast cancer journey when I thought I was done.

December 5, 2023

I went in for more imaging, an ultrasound and my biopsy. It felt like deja-vu! It's a little weird, have to say, that the timing is eerily almost exactly as last year - just off by a couple of weeks. Weird.

I have to say, the staff, techs and radiologists at Mount Sinai are absolutely amazing. And after about two hours the radiologist walked me through what she saw, compared to last year's images. I have DCIS calcifications all over my left boob. ALL OVER! And she took several tissue samples from the newly formed "cluster" - similar to the first one which was removed at the beginning of the year. She put a "rush" on the results and confirmed that there are no calcifications in my right breast. At least there is that!!

December 7, 2023

Had a call with my oncology surgeon. Biopsy results confirmed cancerous cells and that a mastectomy really is the only option now. So... with that, he made a referral to the UHN plastics team for me to discuss breast reconstruction and options.

BREAST CANCER JOURNEY 2.0

F@&K. F@&K. F@&K. F@&K. F@&K. F@&K. F@&K. F@&K. F@&K.

R xx