The space in between the now and what is to come. Truly the waiting is the hardest part. 7 more sleeps.
My curiosity and processing has me talking to every breast cancer thriver I know about their experience, especially if they have had a mastectomy and have chosen to remain flat - either for a short time before reconstruction or forever.
I'm still not sure whether or not I will have breast reconstruction and I am not making any decisions right now. One thing at a time.
For now, I'm still wrapping my head around the shock that will await me when I see myself flat for the first time. I have looked at countless pictures of women who have chosen to remain flat. I have spoken with many Warriors who have gone before me and even last night during my breast cancer support group meeting, the women who have had mastectomies shared their very raw, open, and honest feelings about seeing themselves for the first time and how some continue to struggle with their femininity and self-image. This is part of the journey.
My support group consists 8 Warriors and they are all absolutely AHHH-MAZING! We started meeting about 13 months ago through WellSpring. After our 8-week stint, we decided as a group, to continue meeting online via Zoom (I offered to host since I already had a business Zoom account). So for the remainder of 2023 we met every two weeks, sharing our experiences, supporting one another through our various surgeries, treatments and recovery... being there for each other as we continued through life. We call ourselves the Pink Warriors. Oh yes, that we are!
We now meet once a month. Most are starting to see the majority of their breast cancer journey in the rear-view mirror. YEAH! I'm still in active treatment with my mastectomy set for next week and there is one Warrior in the process of getting reconstruction. Ahhh the Sisterhood - lifetime members to a Club we all would rather not belong to!
Today, I had my pre-admission clinic appointments (online). I met with the Nurse, Pharmacist, Occupational Therapist, and Anesthesiologist. I'm all set and ready on the medical front. Whew, it's been a lot.
I continue to check things off the to-do list - appointments and action items to get things done while also keeping my mind from obsessing over the loss of my Left Boob.
Last year when I was about to have my lumpectomy, I knew I wanted to honour my Left Boob in a special way. And I did. I created an art piece by pressing my paint-covered boobs onto a blank canvas. You can read about that here. I want to do something similar to honour my Left Boob since she will be no longer. Not sure what, and I need to figure that out quickly now as I only have a week left.
This week, I'm also filling my time with things that bring me LOTS OF JOY: visiting the AGO with a friend to see the Keith Haring and KAWS exhibit, watching the Australian Open, having FaceTimes with friends, lots of baths, driving to Kitchener to have dinner with my nieces, and being outside to enjoy the rare appearances of sunshine!!
As I countdown the 7 sleeps to go, I am comforted and humbled by knowing I am surrounded by the most incredible caring family and friends. I am so grateful for all the love and support from my love-humans - holding me up, creating space and giving me their strength for the times when I'm not able to do that for myself.
Comments